Bluurp. Bluurp. Bluurr-up. This is the sound of dripping plastic. To make the sound: take a stick, such as a relatively straight and fairly strong tree branch about four feet long and a quarter to half an inch thick, then wrap some plastic around one end, a plastic bag or a torn portion of a large trash bag is perfect, then hold the non-plastic wrapped end of the stick in one hand and place the plastic wrapped end over a small camp fire until the plastic starts curling up; hold the plastic high enough above the fire so it is not engulfed in flame, but low enough so it starts melting in drips. The dripping sound is fantastic! You will become addicted to the sound. Bluurp. Bluuurp. Bluurr-up!
Because you will spend endless hours over your fire with your friends in pursuit of the perfect Bluurr-up, try not to inhale any plastic fumes. Those fumes really can’t be good for you. Also, do not use plastic trash bags from anyone’s parent’s pantry. Additionally, it is considered cheating to just buy a box of bags to Bluurp with. This is not even financially prudent. You have better things to spend your allowance on and you can find more than enough bags if you look around your environment.
More difficult to accomplish is procurement of all the fire wood you will need to have a fire for three hours just about every night all summer that there isn’t something else going on. You can have a fire with just two people, but try to have at least three. That said, you should also limit the size of your Bluuurp group to no more than 6 people at any given time, except for very special occasions such as when the kids you met on a long group bike ride to a far away area are returning your visit.
How you limit your group when Bluurping is so much fun is up to you, but don’t do anything you’d be too upset about if someone did it to you. Pretending you’re not allowed to have a fire that night because of the weather is OK. Getting someone grounded on purpose obviously is not OK. Ways to get someone grounded include daring them to do something they will obviously get caught doing or letting some parents overhear you while you tell a friend a made up a story about the person stealing candy or torturing a frog. These are not OK. Doing these makes you a bad person and you will regret it later in life.
Now it is important to remember that Mr. Jones actually uses his firewood to heat his home. It is a nice small brick home which he maintains very well. He has a fixed income and chops his own firewood. While his back fence is adjacent to the back woods and is filled with cut cured wood, it is wood that he needs come winter. You may think he wouldn’t miss a few logs, but it is surprising how quickly a few logs becomes a few more logs after you take the first few. You may end up even having to chop some wood for him, which you probably would have done to begin with if you had known how much wood it would take to properly Bluuurp over the several long weeks of one of your last endless summers.
How does the Fort saga fit in with this story. Quite simply it is best to have your Bluuurping fire about 25 to 30 feet from your feet, no more, no less, unless you build an underground fort with a hidden chimney, which is Part Two of The Fort, see below. In any event, thank you Mr. Jones for understanding our small obsession. We all prayed apparently with success that the wood we freshly chopped cured in time to carry you through the winter.